I’m Beyond Frustrated

I’ve been calling and calling non stop trying to find someone to work with me as far as payments go for a biopsy and removal of this mole and I’ve gotten absolutely no where. The low income/free clinics don’t deal with dermatology issues. I’ve contacted all the dermatologists in my area and they either don’t accept any sort of payment plans, require at least $100 upfront for being uninsured (some even requiring $100 per visit) or the payment plans are still going to leave us having to pay over $100 a month and that’s without getting a quote for the removal because they have to get the biopsy done first and see it for themselves. I’ve even reapplied for Medicaid through the Obamacare marketplace and they’ve sent the application back to Texas to either approve or deny it, which more than likely will be denied because like I said in my previous post, we make more than $230 a month. After doing more research, I found out that no Dermatologists even accept Medicaid if I was to get accepted so either way, I’m entirely out of luck. I can’t afford the payment plans, upfront costs, insurance. I don’t know what to do anymore, my emotions are going out of control at this point. I’m nearly in tears, angry, terrified all at the same time. Just begs me to continue questioning how do doctors live with themselves? Honestly? They’re suppose to be here to help people yet that in all honesty is the last thing that they do if you can’t afford to pay them a portion of their $300,000 a year salary. 

Yes, I’m Going on a Rant About America’s Healthcare

Article I just wrote because this whole healthcare system in America is absolutely ridiculous. Just my opinion and I know a lot of you have already heard my story but I’m trying to stand up for myself, basically. As humans, we deserve the opportunity to live and for many that opportunity doesn’t seem to be much of a reality if you don’t make enough money for this country’s high standards. It makes me wonder how many other people are out there that desperately need to see a doctor but can’t for financial reasons.

As time goes on, I begin to question the morality of this world more than I probably should even have to but lately I’ve began to wonder how much America in particular values the life of its own citizens. The healthcare system is utterly ridiculous in this country especially for the low income families and it’s literally forcing people to just go without care which can lead to their death or make them go into complete debt just to live. It’s not right especially since our health problems are most of the time caused by factors that are completely out of our control. People don’t choose to be sick or have any health related issue so why is it that we have to suffer with our health concerns and financially simply to continue making the doctor richer while they drain our wallets and create stress that we don‘t need?

Two days ago, I decided I’d make the huge leap that I’ve been terrified of for the past three years, that leap meaning getting a mole on my neck checked out that randomly formed three years ago when I was pregnant with my daughter. At first it was just an eye sore and strange because it formed overnight unlike the hundreds of other moles I have on my body (maybe not hundreds but I do have a lot). As time went on, maybe a year later, the mole every few months would start getting itchy on and around it as well as a feeling as if I’m being poked constantly with a needle directly on the mole. Last year, that feeling turned into a couple times each month. Now this year, that feeling has evolved from a couple times a month to several times a day, every day which has increasingly become alarming to me. On top of that, my father died of sqaumous cell carcinoma on his neck as well when I was 13 and my grandfather also died of some form of skin cancer as well. Anyway, I took a trip to the emergency room because that is pretty much my only option seeing as I’m uninsured and a low income family, I simply can’t afford to just pull out a couple hundred upfront just for them to look at my neck. Thinking they’d be able to be helpful in some way, I quickly found out that they had no ability to take a biopsy on it or remove it but offering their advice was the only option. After the nurse took a look at it, she described it as being very irritated looking, which is what it has looked like for as long as I remember. It even scabbed up at one point which isn’t a good sign either. The doctor came in a while later and after hearing the symptoms I described, he seemed really concerned and after looking at it, he even stated that the mole “looks really concerning” and he was going to refer me to a dermatologist to get it tested and removed. I quickly jumped in with concern because, just like general doctors, dermatologists are either looking for insurance or payment right then and there which I clearly don’t have.

I’ve even applied for Medicaid, several times as a matter of fact. I was denied. Again and again and again… Why you may ask? According to Medicaid’s monthly income, my family of three cannot make more than $230 a month. Yes, that is correct, $230. I laugh at the ignorance of such a number. A bum can make that much money in a month. So in order to have healthcare, in Texas, my fiancé can’t work and I can’t work. Tell me how are we suppose to pay bills, pay for gas for our car, our personal needs, etc… just so we can have health insurance? Yet in most of the country, the limit on how much a family of three can make exceeds over $2,000 a month, which is still much more than my fiancé makes.

Currently I’m in the process of contacting several “free/low income” clinics in my area and so far the response to all of them has been “No, we don’t offer any dermatology services.” They’re basically only offering checkups for free and after that you’re out of luck. One lady at one of these clinics is trying to help me out however. We’re currently waiting on a response from a doctor she contacted and I’m waiting to hear back. That alone brightened my day because that is the first generous thing I have heard out of anyone since I’ve been trying to find help. She’s actually taking the time out of her day to find an answer for me while everyone else has shot me down. That restores my faith in humanity a bit. My problem still continues though because I still have yet to understand why it is this hard to see a doctor in this country and what is even more outrageous is the amount of money they charge for any type of care. I mean, is greed and the selfishness of the government along with doctors really more important than an individual’s life?

What terrifies me the most about this whole thing is the “what ifs.” What if I’m unable to obtain all the money that is going to be required to get this mole taken care of? What if my mole grows into the uncontrollable mass that turned my dad into a living skeleton until it eventually overcame him? What if I lose my life and my fiancé is forced to be a single father when he has his own health problems that he too can’t even see a doctor for? All these questions continue to run through my head and for one reason only… my family doesn’t make much money. I have no family support. I have no family in general other than my fiancé and my daughter. That’s beside the point. We shouldn’t be refused a chance to live because of money, everyone deserves to live and not have to worry about health issues and how to pay for them. It’s out of our control yet taking care of our health concerns is the most expensive necessity. Other countries have free health care yet we’re forced into purchasing health care and if we don’t purchase it, a penalty is sent our way now. Even with health insurance, we still end up having to pay more money out of pocket after doctor’s visits. Where is the logic in that? We’re paying every month whether we go to the doctor or not. That’s money taken away from gas, food, rent, utilities, etc. I’m continuing to lose my faith in this country, our government and the people living here. The greed has gotten out of control to where people can’t get the adequate care they need if they can’t afford it. I guess I’ll never understand what our world is becoming but something has to change. No one deserves to die because of other peoples’ materialistic desires.


The mole causing all the problems

The mole causing all the problems

Skin Cancer Results In…

So I made a trip to the ER yesterday for the mole on my neck that I’ve been worried about since it formed 3 years ago. Turns out that they don’t deal with those types of things, it’s strictly dermatologists but the doctor said that I need to get to one ASAP because it looks really concerning and it needs to be removed. The symptoms I’ve been feeling aren’t a good sign either. All things said and done, he diagnosed me with skin cancer. Unfortunately for me, I have no insurance and most dermatologists won’t accept me without it and the ones that do are going to make me pay right then and there. Already called the follow up dermatologist and it’s going to cost between $100-300 on the first visit alone, not something I can afford at all and the costs after that first visit, I don’t even want to know. I’m terrified, mostly because I know the fate of what happened to my dad who had skin cancer on his neck as well. I’m mostly afraid that the day will come when it gets much worse and I’m not here for my daughter anymore.  

It’s Been a While!

Yikes! It has been forever since I posted anything but in all honesty not much has been going on well, sort of. I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking lately which has gotten me absolutely no where yet again, sigh. Thinking as in continuing to try and figure out what the hell to do with my life and even my fiance has been having the same back and forth thoughts about his career choice since in all reality he doesn’t want to be a chef, it’s just what he’s good at. He simply just isn’t getting paid what he deserves and the stress level doesn’t make up for it. He wants to get into graphic design but affording the programs necessary to learn is the real struggle. I on the other hand…… yeah… art isn’t going very well for me even though I did get a sell on a postcard the other day for my Alice in Wonderland piece. I’ve made 30 cents! Woo!

I’ve been thinking about doing Youtube videos a lot lately only 2 problems:

#1 I’m 100% camera shy, not just camera shy but shy in general

#2 No clue what to talk about and what people are interested in watching

Any ideas, anyone? I’m open to them!


Besides that, my fiance and I are officially going to get married in the next few months. We haven’t set a date or anything because we aren’t sure about the financial part as far as the marriage licence, clothing and decorations go but it’s going to be the most simplistic thing ever. Can’t afford a wedding dress so simple white one is going to be the next best thing and decorations are probably going to be bought with a $100 budget. Oh well, I’m not complaining. I don’t care to spend much on a party that only lasts one day. It’s not about the materialistic aspect of it anyway. But we’re looking at June or July right now, depending on how things go!

My fiance has also been having some problems that we unfortunately can’t address properly. More than likely he has heart valve disease. He’s been suffering with symptoms for the past 3 years mainly and he brought those problems up to his mom about 2 weeks ago and she apparently has the same thing and it is indeed heart valve disease which of course she has to take some pretty expensive medication for which we would never be able to afford especially since he doesn’t even have insurance to go to a doctor in the first place. It’s scary since he is only 25. I really think I need to go to the doctor too for that mole on my neck that formed while I was pregnant. It’s been getting even more uncomfortable lately. It feels like needles are picking at it, even more so lately. I’m just terrified for both of us. Between the money issues and the thoughts of what could happen, it’s becoming too much to bare with right now. 

That’s my life update for the moment, sorry it’s been so long!

Help Promote Please! :)

It’s been a little while since I’ve posted. Mostly been working on the promotion of our attempt at a personal chef business. I’ve gotten the site somewhat up and running. I still have to finish up the menu selections and other than that we need an official domain name. We just don’t have the $67 for the 2 years right now so we might have to put that on hold for the moment.

If you could, please check out the site here and if you know anyone in the North Dallas area especially, please help get the word around by sharing the site! :) I’d like to thank everyone in advance. It’s definitely not as easy as I thought it would be to promote especially on a tight budget.

As for me, I’ve managed to get my weight loss total to 7lbs for the year so far. 137lbs! Crazy, not even a year ago I was 170. 33lbs loss isn’t too bad, just baby steps closer to pre-pregnancy weight. Still have another 17 to go though, ugh!

And for my drawing, yeah…. um I’m currently going through another one of my moods and I yet again have no motivation to work on it.